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KD5JBN's Ham Shack - Glenn Roland


KD5JBN
Glenn Roland
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KD5JBN
Ham Since 2000
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Lic 1-2000 Technician (Texas)
5-2002 General Lite (5 wpm CW) (CA)
6-2002 Extra Lite (5 wpm CW) (CA)

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Santa Monica,CA 90405

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KD5JBN is Connected to the following - 2/8/2010 8:25:22 PM

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KD5JBN's Blog Post - 4/28/2009 11:00:59 AM

How things change Out from Under Us

by Paul Craig Roberts



Anyone who has been around for a while and who pays any attention to the news sees many disturbing changes. Recently, I read a report that two children, ages seven and eight, had an altercation at school during recess. They were carted off in handcuffs by the police. The teachers or principal had dealt with the boys’ disagreement by calling in the law.

I wonder if the kids now have felonious assault records that will cancel their Second Amendment rights when they come of age.
When I was a kid there were no age limits to the Second Amendment. We all had firearms before we reached puberty. Anyone with the money could purchase a .22 caliber rifle at the local hardware store. If you were too young to see over the counter, the proprietor might call your parents to get an OK. You could purchase .22 caliber ammunition and shotgun shells at most any gas station.

None of us ever shot anyone or any farmer’s cow or mule. There were no gun accidents among my armed companions.

My grandmother never batted an eye when I walked out of her farmhouse with my grandfather’s shotgun. Guns were just a routine item. We all learned gun safety from the Boy Scouts. My grandmother only became concerned for my safety when I became the proud owner of a spirited horse.

If the attitudes that exist today had been around when I was coming along, my entire generation would be felons. I had my first altercation at the age of three. Bullies were ever present. A kid had to steel himself against them. At six years of age I learned that, Lone Ranger and Roy Rogers bravado notwithstanding, an older and stronger kid was just that. Fortunately, my mother was there to rescue me.

In our neighborhood elementary school, to which we all walked or rode our bikes from kindergarten on, recess was where one’s mettle was tested. One of our classmates, Robert, was much bigger than the rest of us and became overbearing.
Generally, our fights were wrestling matches. The first to get a scissors or a headlock on the other party would prevail. But Robert was a boxer, and as he was a head taller and long-armed, he was a problem. One day Herbert had enough of Robert, and a fistfight emerged. It was the first time we saw blood. Herbert was game, but Robert had the reach and the punch, and Herbert got a bloody nose and a busted lip.

The fight lasted a fairly long time, but the playground monitor, Mrs. Humphrey, a pretty young woman who taught the second grade, finally broke it up.

No police were called.

Robert won the fight, but it was the end of his bullying. Herbert, who was about 14 inches shorter, had stood up to him and continued the fight until rescued by Mrs. Humphrey.

Fighting was just normal. It wasn’t a police issue. Notes might have gone home to parents to explain the cut lip and bloody nose, but fights were just part of growing up. A person had to learn how to stand up for himself.

Standing up for oneself was a theme of an ad that ran in the magazines of my youth. The ad appeared in the form of a comic strip. There were several versions. The one I remember most was the one in which the 97-pound weakling takes his girl to the beach. The muscular bully kicks sand on the skinny guy, and, when the weakling protests, the bully pushes him down. His girl bemoans his lack of manhood. The weakling orders the ad’s product, Charles Atlas’s muscle-building program.

Soon the weakling is a different man. He is back on the beach, encounters the bully, and KO’s him with a right to the jaw. The girlfriend is overflowing with adoration for “a real man.”

Today, this ad would probably bring a lawsuit or an arrest for inciting violence.

Certainly, the bully would be arrested for assault for pushing the weakling to the ground.

The transformed weakling would be arrested for assault for letting the bully have what was coming to him.

When I was in high school, a rich kid, Fate, who worked out with weights and whose father brought in professional boxers to give Fate boxing lessons, decided that he wanted my girlfriend. He spread the word that, after school, he was going to beat me up.

An older and more experienced student with a Napoleonic turn of mind advised me. He explained that I was unlikely to fare well if I worried all day about the event, which would be worse for having a big audience. The trick, he said, was to surprise my antagonist by striking first. Physical-education class would be the opportunity, he said. Fate and I were the quarterbacks of the opposing teams. My mentor said, “Pick the moment and let him have it.”

I did.

Fate was the better fighter, but he had relied on intimidation instead of skill, and it had not worked for him. Where there had been confidence, there was now uncertainty. He was unsure of the outcome, and this gave me the edge.

The fight lasted the entire length of the P.E. class. The football coach in charge of the period did nothing. Fate got the worst black eye of his career. Miraculously, I emerged unmarked.

I kept my girlfriend, eventually married her, and fathered two wonderful children with her.

This sounds like bragging, but the point is entirely different. Today, Fate and I would be carted off in handcuffs. We would have assault records. We would have no Second Amendment rights, and every time there was an assault in our town the police would pick us up for questioning.

Fate was no worse for his black eye. It probably taught him to escape from hubris. He went on to be a quarterback for the University of Georgia.

I went on to become assistant secretary of the U.S. Treasury.

If the police had been called, they would have just watched the fight.

Today, even pretend fighting can result in expulsion. Not long ago there was a news report of a six-year-old who, playing cowboys and Indians or cops and robbers at recess, pointed his finger at classmates and said, “Bang, bang.”

The school determined that the six-year-old was a danger to his classmates.

How times change. We were never without our cowboy cap guns and holsters until we had attained sufficient coordination to be accepted in the neighborhood football and baseball games. In the third or fourth grade I took a .38 caliber Spanish revolver, for which I had traded a World War II helmet, to school for show-and-tell. The teacher asked if it was loaded. “No ma’am,” I replied, “this old pistol won’t fire, besides, you don’t load a gun unless you are on the firing range or on the hunt.” “Unless,” I added, “you are a soldier at war.” I demonstrated that the pistol wasn’t loaded by opening the gate and twirling the cylinder, just as Randolph Scott did in the movies.

The teacher wasn’t perturbed. It was a tame item, really. The previous week, Buddy Sikes had brought a copperhead to school in his backpack thinking it was a garter snake.
Comment from KW4VL 5/1/2009 9:07:41 AM
This is one of the best posts on the whole site and there are a lot of good ones! I agree the world has went to hell in a handbasket and a lot of people just dont see it...wake up and smell the coffee people the worlds changing and mighty fast and im just worried thats its not for the better!

Comment from KB4SOG 5/1/2009 7:38:35 PM
Well said, and you make several excellent points. My youngest daughter, now 19, was brought up much like we were (my experiences are very similar to yours) - it constantly amazes me how much more of a "man" she is than the guys her age. I worry about where we're going.

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KD5JBN's Blog Post - 4/26/2009 10:46:20 PM

Something to think about

* We yell for the government to balance the budget, and then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car.

* We whip the enemy in battle, and then give them the shirt off our backs.

* We yell for speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won’t by a car if it can’t go over a 100-miles an hour.

* Americans get scared to death if we vote a billion dollars for education, then are unconcerned when we find out we are spending three billion dollars a year for cigarettes.

* We’ll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive ninety miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.

* We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen-year-old son or daughter run wild.

* We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.

* In the office we talk about baseball, shopping, or fishing; but when we are out at the game, the mall, or on the lake, we talk about business.

* We are the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.

* We run from morning to night trying to keep our earning power up with our yearning power.

* We are supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on Earth, but we still can’t deliver payrolls without an armored car.

* We have more marriage counselors than any other country in the world and still have by far the most divorces.

* We know the lineup of every baseball team in the American and national Leagues, but we don’t know half the words of the “Star-Spangled Banner.”
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KD5JBN's Blog Post - 4/26/2009 10:41:21 PM

DRAPERY RODS----PRICELESS

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and
suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful
dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music,
and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of
spring-water .

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a
few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the
curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with
his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned
Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to
set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days
and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked!!!

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.

The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they
could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return
their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to
purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.
He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and
said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to
reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back .

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a
price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only
if she were to sign the papers that very day
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched
the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........

And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!!!!


I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?
Comment from N2UGB 5/1/2009 7:51:13 AM
Now, why didn't I think of that when it was the other way around. It usually is, you know.




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KD5JBN's Blog Post - 4/26/2009 10:38:15 PM

Michael Richards makes his point..............

Proud to be White

Michael Richards makes his point..............

Michael Richards better known as Kramer from TVs Seinfeld does make a good point.
This was his defense speech in court after making racial comments in his comedy act. He makes some very interesting points...
Someone finally said it. How many are actually paying attention to this? There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, etc.
And then there are just Americans. You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You call me 'White boy,' 'Cracker,' 'Honkey,' 'Whitey,' 'Caveman'.. and that's OK.
But when I call you, Nigger, Kike, Towel head, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink ... You call me a racist.
You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you... so why are the ghettos the m ost dangerous places to live?
You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day.
You have Black History Month. You have Cesar Chavez Day.
You have Yom Hashoah. You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi.
You have the NAACP. You have BET... If we had WET (White Entertainment Television), we'd be racists. If we had a White Pride Day, you would call us racists.
If we had White History Month, we'd be racists.
If we had any organization for only whites to 'advance' OUR lives, we'd be racists.
We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce , and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce. Wonder who pays for that??
A white woman could not be in the Miss Black American pageant, but any color can be in the Miss America pageant.
If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships... You know we'd be racists.
There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US. Yet if there were 'White colleges', that would be a racist coll ege.
In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.
You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.
You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist.
I am proud... But you call me a racist.
Why is it that only whites can be racists??
There is nothing improper about this e-mail. Let's see which of you are proud enough to send it on. I sadly don't think many will. That's why we have LOST most of OUR RIGHTS in this country. We won't stand up for ourselves!
BE PROUD TO BE WHITE!
It's not a crime YET.. but getting very close!
Comment from KD8FXJ 11/5/2009 11:35:16 PM
Glenn
I can tell by your post that clearly you have not sat down and talked to people of other races in order to understand their struggles. It sounds as though you are parroting what you have heard from other uninformed whites and the totally unfair media. If you look back into your not so distant past, you will find plenty of groups and organizations that represent white people...The ku klux klan, the white citizens council, the american nazi party, stormtroopers, the skin heads just to name a few. I wish that you were on cq100 or echolink so that we could have a civil discussion about this subject, because whites and people of other cultures and races need to really talk about these matters and squash all of the misconceptions, myths and lies about each other. Everything concerning black people does not happen in the ghetto nor via crime related incidents, just as all matters concerning white people does not take place in trailer parks and honky tonks.You sir have always had the right to stand up and be white, but many people of other races have not shared in that freedom because whites did not think that people who are different were equal. You have the right to be proud to be white, but not at the expense of other peoples lives and livelyhood. It is sad that you are so missinformed, I think that michael richards has issues that he even admitted to, so his point ended up being pointless. Anger and bitterness got the best of him at an inopportune time. Stop being an extremist and be more willing to bridge the gap, while at the same time being proud of who YOU are.

Comment from KD5JBN 11/6/2009 5:09:05 PM
Now you have begun Profiling.. I simply reposted this because he makes his point as protected by the 1st amendment of the Constitution.. If I look back in to my "Not SO Distant Past" You will find a Polish / Jewish Family struggling in the Americas in 1932. Came over here (As 3rd Class Citizens) because of the Collapse of the European Economy.
You seem to Believe in your Closeted Empire that ALL Caucasions are prespective members of The Klan, ANG, AIM, or any of these groups that spread hate and fear in the Americas.. But you forget that MILLIONS of Caucasions immigrated here LONG after Slavery and The times of Injustice. If you really want people to take you seriously STOP PROFILING.. You are just as bad as Michael.

BTW I am a Polish JEW and Damn Proud of it

Comment from KD8FXJ 11/7/2009 5:24:32 AM
Read and understand...I really don't know how you got "PROFILING" out of what I said, but let me clarify. I never said that "all" white people are prespective members of anything, what I said was there are groups out there that are representing the entire white race...such as the kkk, wcc,the anp and others. Now...if you don't agree with their ideals, then say that, but don't get bent out of shape with me about it. If you ask a member of these groups who they are representing, they will tell you.."the white race." Where ever you and your family came from, you still got to appreciate freedoms that some others could not. You don't have to acknowledge that, but it is true. As I said before, you have the right to be proud of who you are...but not at the expense of other peoples lives and livelyhood. Believe me, I have never had the luxury of living in a closeted empire (as you so eloquently put it). I go out and work for a living and I have raised children to believe in a strong work ethic and a good quality of life. I believe in justice and equality for all people, not just a few, and I don't believe in marinating in self hatred to the point where I have to justify myself, by finding unsubstantiated faults in other people. There are good and bad people in all races, but it would be unfair to conclude that they represent an entire race of people. So understand me...I am not "PROFILING" because my family and friendship circle represents multiple races and cultures, and I am DAMN proud of it! You can criticize me all you want, but I can honestly say, I am proud of who I am and I thank God for making me who I am. Get a purpose driven life Mr. Roland, it is far less stressful. Get an agenda that will affect your family, friends, and community in a positive way. The world awaits you!

Comment from KD5JBN 11/7/2009 4:52:39 PM
Once again you feel you must waste minutes of my Time, Justifying your Existance by your Missal above.. You must realize one thing and one thing only.. I do not care what you think. You wrote a scathing review where YOU brought up the KKK American Nazi League.. Not I.
I simply responded Your Comments Makr you as bad as Michael, since you equated ME being born Caucasion with Racial Hate. I am a Firm believer in the Right to Free Speach. You have your Opinion.. Please feel free to express it fully on YOUR HAMSHACK PAGE!! Not On Mine.

Comment from KD8FXJ 11/8/2009 12:25:46 PM
you are a real piece of work. And you really need to improve on your comprehension skills. you are the type that refuse to hear what's being said to you because you are only willing to see with tunnel vision. You posted your opinion, now you can't handle an opinion that you set yourself up to get in the first place. Did you notice that nobody had responded to your post, because you sound mentally unstable? I took a chance hoping that you just needed a little education, but I see that you are proud to be stuck on stupid. You probably don't care what I think because what I've said made you think, and we know that is not your strongest point. bye bye little man.

Comment from KD8FXJ 11/8/2009 10:13:20 PM
and by the way, stop hiding behind the First Amendment because the founding fathers never meant for jerks like you to use it as a shield to to hide your ignorance behind! And even if they did, you're not good at it!

Comment from KD5JBN 11/9/2009 6:33:37 PM
I'm a Jerk?
I did not come to your Hamshack page and Insist that If You and I were to Chat on Echolink that YOU could change my opinions. Not Bloody likely.
You Verbally assault me for availing to all Americans the Right to the First Amendment.
You assume to much Doneisia. You think because I posted a commentary by Michael Richards that I am some low-living Trailer Trash, with ties to the KKK and Al Quieda.
If you are on a Mission to Change the world's opinions to match your own, you are in for a long hard battle until you improve your people skills.
The Wonderful thing about the Internet is If you don't like a subject or Forum, YOU have the Right to voice your displeasure.. When you overstep your boundaries and begin a personal attack on an individual that you have never met nor spoken to in person. That is Where YOUR 1st amendment rights cease.
I have ask you to please stay off of my Hamshack page and cease harassment. IF YOU CONTINUE, I can and will take actions with your ISP, & MYHAMSHACK.com to have you removed.
I don't think I can Make it any clearer than that.

Comment from KD8FXJ 11/11/2009 5:13:00 AM
Glenn
report me to whom you like. I have done nothing more than respond to your posts. But...I will gladly and with great pleasure have no further communication with you.

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KD5JBN's Blog Post - 4/26/2009 10:35:15 PM

Don't you hate Chain Letters?

I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year.

Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces..

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose.

Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope! that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason..

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven thousand of my friends and make a wish within five minutes and I am doomed for hell for not doing so.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these! products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband.
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KD5JBN's Blog Post - 4/26/2009 10:34:11 PM

Can You Spare a QSL Card?

Can You Spare a QSL Card?
We have a friend who has suffered a stroke and is currently unable to use his right side or to speak but very little.
I am asking, if you can, to please send him one of your QSL cards with a word or two of encouragement to boost his spirits.
Ken is a member of the Indianapolis Radio Club and the Midstate ARC, you may have worked him as he used to hang out on 3.905 each morning about 13:00 zulu.
Please send your card to:
Ken Poe K9POE
484 Moccosin Rd
Greenwood, IN 46142

TNX es 73
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KD5JBN's Blog Post - 4/26/2009 10:31:25 PM

Credit Card Collections

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. (' ')

This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening customer service being what it is today.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge.
The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00.

A family member placed a call to Citibank.

Here is the exchange :

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Citibank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Citibank: 'Excuse me?'

Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'

Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'


Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)

Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given )


After they get the fax :

Citibank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'

Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'

(What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'

Citibank: 'That might help...'

Family Member: ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'

Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'


(Priceless!!) You wondered why Citi is going broke and need the Feds to bail them out!!
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KD5JBN's Blog Post - 4/26/2009 10:29:28 PM

Are you Jewish?

Don't Worry, Be Jewish (from Arthur Epstein)


As a general principle, Jewish holidays are divided between days on which you must starve and days on which you must overeat.

Many Jews observe no fewer than 16 fasts throughout the Jewish year, based on the time-honored principle that even if you are sure that you are ritually purified, you definitely aren't.

Though there are many feasts and fasts, there are no holidays requiring light snacking.

The Diet Guide to the Jewish Holidays:

Rosh Hashanah -- Feast
Tzom Gedalia -- Fast
Yom Kippur -- More fasting
Sukkot -- Feast for a week
Hashanah Rabbah -- More feasting
Simchat Torah -- Keep right on feasting
Month of Heshvan-- No feasts or fasts for a month.
Hanukkah -- Eat potato pancakes
Tenth of Tevet -- Do not eat potato pancakes
Tu B'Shevat -- Feast
Fast of Esther -- Fast
Purim -- Eat pastry
Passover -- Do not eat pastry for a week
Shavuot - Dairy feast (cheesecake, blintzes, etc.)
17th of Tammuz -- Fast (no cheesecake or blintzes)
Tish B'Av -- Serious fast (don't even think about cheesecake or blintzes)
Month of Elul -- End of cycle. Enroll in Center for Eating Disorders before High Holidays arrive again.

There are many forms of Judaism:

Cardiac Judaism ---------- in my heart I am a Jew.
Gastronomic Judaism ----- we eat Jewish foods.
Pocketbook Judaism ----- I give to Jewish causes.
Drop-off Judaism --------- drop the kids off at Sunday School; go out to breakfast.
Twice a Year Judaism ----- attend service Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

You know you grew up Jewish when:

You did not respond to the teacher calling roll on the first day of school because you thought your name was "Princess".

You spent your entire childhood thinking that everyone calls roast beef "brisket."

Your family dog responds to complaints uttered in Yiddish.

You've experienced the phenomena of 50 people fitting into a 10-foot-wide dining room hitting each other with plastic plates & forks trying to get to a deli tray.

You thought pasta was the stuff used exclusively for kugel and kasha with bowties.

You were as tall as your grandmother by age seven.

You never knew anyone whose last name didn't end in one of 6 standard suffixes (-man,-witz, -berg, -stein, -blatt or -baum).

You grew up and were surprised to find out that wine doesn't always taste like year-old cranberry sauce.

You can look at gefilte fish without turning green.

You grew up thinking there was a fish called lox.

You can understand some Yiddish but you can't speak it.

You know how to pronounce numerous Yiddish words and use them correctly in context, yet you don't exactly know what they mean.

Is that Kenahurra or is that kaninehurra?.

You have at least one ancestor who is related to your spouse's ancestor.

You have at least six male relatives named Michael or David.
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KD5JBN's Blog Post - 4/26/2009 10:28:15 PM

Patriotic retirement:

This was an article from the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on Sunday. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the Economy?" I thought this was the BEST idea. I think this guy nailed it!

Dear Mr. President,

Patriotic retirement:
There's about 40 million people over 50 in the work force; pay them $1 million apiece severance with stipulations:

1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.

3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.
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KD5JBN's Blog Post - 4/26/2009 10:24:10 PM

Pet Rules

PET RULES
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs,

1. The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

2. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.

Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

3. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.
FYI:Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

4. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine attendance is not mandatory.

5. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
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KD5JBN's Blog Post - 4/26/2009 10:23:13 PM

Historic Darwin Awards

Holy Roman Emperor Frederick I embarked on the 3rd Crusade to recapture the Holy Land in the twelfth century. After spending days trudging across the dry summer desert, his army came upon the River Saleph. In his parched state, Frederick threw caution to the wind -- instead of his heavy armor -- and plunged into the river, whereupon he sank to the bottom and drowned.

Attila the Hun was one of the most notorious villains in history. He conquered all of Asia by 450 A.D. by destroying villages and pillaging the countryside. This bloodthirsty man died from a nosebleed on his wedding night. After feasting and toasting his own good fortune, he was too drunk to notice his nose, and he drowned in a snoutful of his own blood.

Tycho Brahe, a sixteenth-century Danish astronomer whose research helped Sir Isaac Newton devise the theory of gravity, died because he didn't make it to the bathroom in time. In that society it was considered an insult to leave the table before the banquet was over. Brahe forgot to relieve himself before the banquet began, then exacerbated matters by imbibing too much alcohol at dinner. Too polite to ask to be excused, he instead allowed his bladder to burst, which killed him slowly and painfully over the next eleven days.

Francis Bacon was an influential statesman, philosopher, writer, and scientist in the sixteenth century. He died while stuffing snow into a chicken. He had been struck by the notion that snow instead of salt might be used to preserve meat. To test his theory he stood outside in the snow and attempted to stuff the bird. The chicken didn't freeze, but Bacon did, prompting the question "Which froze first? The Bacon or the egg?"

Jean-Baptiste Lully, a seventeenth-century composer who wrote music for the king of France, died from an overdose of "musical enthusiasm." While rehearsing for a concert, he became overexcited and drove his baton right through his foot. He succumbed to blood poisoning.

Some treasured Historic Darwins are not true. For instance, the legendary circumstances surrounding the death of a famous female ruler:

Catherine the Great, empress of Russia in the eighteenth century, reputedly had a prodigious appetite for sex. Legend has it that she was killed by her bestiality practices. During one of her frequent conjugal visits with a horse, the rope sling that suspended the animal snapped, and the falling horse crushed the amorous woman. But the truth is that although Catherine had an appetite for sex, she did not indulge with her stallions. The rumor may have been started to undercut her claim to a place in history.
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KD5JBN's Blog Post - 4/26/2009 10:20:34 PM

Ear Infection?

This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong -- and sometimes it is embarrassing.

There's nothing worse than a doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it:

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.

The receptionist said, "Yes, sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"

He replied, "There's something wrong with my pecker ."

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong, and I told you."

The receptionist replied, "Now you' ve caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private"
"You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone," the man said. Then he walked out and waited several minutes before re-entering.

The receptionist smiled smugly and said, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear."

The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"

"I can't piss out of it."

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

The lesson: Mess with seniors, and you're going to lose.
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KD5JBN's Blog Post - 4/26/2009 10:17:48 PM

Gun Ownership in Texas

A woman was called in front of a Texas grand jury for manslaughter after she shot a mugger 6
times in the back as he was running away with her purse.

He grabbed the purse and ran, she had her hand on the gun in it, and was left with the revolver
in her hand.

When asked by the grand jury why she shot the man 6 times in the back as he was running away,
she replied under oath:

"Because when I pulled the trigger the 7th time it only went click"

Acquitted of all charges.
(Woo-hoo!)
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KD5JBN's Blog Post - 4/26/2009 10:16:15 PM

Do the Math

Purchasing
The math on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce is as follows:
After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million.
Assuming he got sex every night during their 5 year relationship. It ended up costing him $26,849 per time.
Leasing
On the other hand, New York Governor Elliot Spitzer's hooker, Kristen, an absolute stunner with a body like no other, charges $4,000 an hour. For anything!
-If Paul McCartney "employed" Kristen for 5 years, he would have paid $7.3 million for an hour of sex every night for 5 years (a $41.7 million savings).
Value-added benefits are:
a 22 year old hot babe, no begging, no coaxing, never a
headache, plays all requests, no bitching and complaining or 'honey-do'
lists. Best of all, she leaves when you're done, and comes back when
asked. All at 1/7th the cost, and no legal fees.
Sometimes leasing just makes more sense. ?
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KD5JBN Joined My Ham Shack - 3/20/2009 9:41:04 AM


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